Avast, ye scurvy dogs, line up! It’s the time of the year when we porch pirates pillage and plunder in neighborhoods across the country! But before setting forth, be aware of some startlin’ facts about our trade!
Here’s Five Fast Facts About Porch Pirate Prevention (written by an ACTUAL pirate…We promise😜):
- 🏴☠️ Laws of the Land - Arrr! Keep clear of 13 states with anti-porch pirate laws. Ye don’t want to wind up in chains. Thankfully we still have free reign of the Florida coasts. It’s ours for the takin’!
- 🦜 All Seein’ Eye - Ye might find yourselves near homes that have installed security cameras or motion detector devices. They’re getting more affordable these days, so chart a course elsewhere!
- 🗝️ Loot Proof - The people are gettin’ crafty, with something called a Porch Pirate Bag. They can also update their mailboxes. Your saber won’t be cutting through, so just move on to the next port.
- ☠️ Special Delivery - The smartest of these scallywags are havin' their packages delivered to them at work, requirin' a signature, or even usin’ a package receiving service. Howell Davis may have been able to take Fort Gambia, but these places are too tough for even the craftiest of ye freebooters.
- ⚔️ Staking a Claim - Sometimes when we strike, the landlubbers can file a claim through the Queen’s own shipping companies. The HMS UPS, HMS DHL, and SS USPS all have their own online forms. Our victims can also contact the seller or retailer that sold ‘em the prized booty. Each one of them have different policies and processes, but they tend to work with their customers.
🔥Bottom line: Our worst enemy out there is awareness! The pandemic may have allowed us to get braver, but common sense, lack of opportunities, and new technologies could have us caught and strung up by our necks! Maybe we should just set course for Florida after all.
Have you been hit by my crew of pirates?
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